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If Jacqui hadn't told you about her past,what would you be saying about her now?"Simon thought for a moment and then took a deep breath."I'd be saying that she's one of the most beautiful and caring womenI've ever met. I'd say that ever since she came into my life, I'vebeen happier than I ever thought possible after the loss of my wife.I'd probably finish by saying that I think that I've fallen in lovewith her." BINGO, that's more like it," Emily exclaimed. "Jacqui could havekept this from you for the rest of her life and you'd probably neverbe any the wiser - even her birth certificate now says she's female.But she told you her innermost secret because she cares about you.."Simon slumped back into the chair and said nothing for severalminutes. Finally, he spoke."I've been really stupid haven't I? Do you think she'll ever forgiveme?" I would have put it more as unbelievably stupid but, as for yoursecond question, only Jacqui can give you an answer. Anyway, my workhere is done,. I may as well wish for the moon.Sometimes the difference between what I am and what I wish to be fadesto a background noise I can almost ignore. Today is not one of thosedays. Today, everywhere I look I'm stabbed by images of womanhood thatprovoke this desperate jealousy. It's a late summer Sunday, the towncentre bustling with shoppers and people out enjoying a stroll in thesunshine. I'm trapped by the window display for a ladies wear chainstore, intent on the latest collection of dresses I long for, but willnever wear. I stare at my watch, tap my foot and look impatient, asthough I am waiting for some fickle female inside to decide what shewants. I live alone though, I always have. I was too tied up inside tosettle down with a woman I would always have seen as a god.A group of teenage girls clutching plastic bags giggle their way out andenvy each one of them; their bad skin and poor make up, their plumpthighs and over-dyed hair, their unconscious feminine grace and beauty,their lives.
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